I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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