i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
