Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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