You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
