dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
