Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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