I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
