my mouth tastes like poor choices
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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