I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
