dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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