oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
