Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
