Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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