GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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