You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
