I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Randomize
