Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
