that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
