I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
