If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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