I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
