I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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