dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
