Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
