i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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