It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
