Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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