Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
