Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
