rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
