I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
