I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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