Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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