If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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