i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
