those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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