My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
