can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
