I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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