U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
