honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
