Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
