I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
one two three fourrrrnication!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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