Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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