i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
