It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
