Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
