glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
