How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
