we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
