I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
