I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
