sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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