i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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