I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
