double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
