is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
